THE FACTS
- A University of Auckland survey found nearly 90% of Pacific peoples reported experiencing burnout.
- Burnout was highest among young adults aged 25-34, linked to cultural, professional, and family demands.
- Establishing boundaries and practising self-care are essential to preserving health and preventing burnout.
Are you a people-pleaser? Do you find it difficult saying “no”?
It’s a slippery slope, for people-pleasers, to go from being helpful, kind, agreeable, keeping the peace, suffering in silence, stoicism through gritted teeth to full-blown burnout.
Saying “no” or declining invitations, denying help to those reaching out seems to go against the grain for them.
It can trigger a visceral, physical reaction in their bodies.
It is often overestimated how harshly people will judge them for saying no. In reality, most respect clarity — and those who don’t aren’t owed others’ peace.
That this can raise its head in New Zealand-born Pacific peoples was highlighted in a recent survey by the University of Auckland, led by doctoral candidate Asetoa Sam Pilisi.
The survey of 1092 participants found that nearly 90% reported experiencing burnout, with almost half (49.4%) experiencing burnout repeatedly.
Part of what makes the Pacific culture so beautiful are the practices of service and generosity which are deeply ingrained, like the love of community and family.
The survey found that “financial giving with little to no boundaries” was also a major determinant.
Burnout frequency was highest among young adults aged 25-34, suggesting a period where cultural, professional and family demands peak.
“This study shows that burnout among Pacific peoples is not just about workload - it’s about the cultural and structural realities we live in. Pacific communities often prioritise collective well-being over personal needs, and, while that’s a strength, it can come at a cost to health when boundaries are blurred,” Pilisi says.
Saying no in this context might make people feel like they’re betraying roots, yet it’s not rejection, it’s preservation.
Healthy boundaries don’t diminish cultural values, they protect the very energy that makes generosity possible.
Establishing boundaries and the art of self-care is a state of well-being that needs to be actively chosen every day.
Jordan Fiorillo Scotti, PhD, says sustainable self-care is not about lavish retreats, but about daily boundary practices such as journaling, tuning into body signals (eg tightness, racing thoughts) and reflecting on past draining situations to identify where boundaries were violated.
Boundaries aren’t static, so creating and maintaining them is always a work in progress, Scotti says.
The good news is, wanting to set boundaries does not require an upheaval in world views, nor does it require a lot of work.
Start small. Journal one draining commitment you can decline this week. Tune into your body’s signals. Practise saying no without apology.
So what happens when you start saying no?
People will start respecting you and appreciating your clarity. They are likely to think twice before asking for your time and energy.
Those who don’t respect your boundaries were already knowingly taking advantage of you in the first place.
There’s a lesson for us all - not just people-pleasers or cultures whose roots are in giving and generosity.
Learning how to say no helps you reclaim control and peace and allows you to show up for the things that matter.