End-of-life planning: Why starting the death conversation matters now - Editorial
Death and dying are rarely topics for discussion around the dinner table. But there is no good reason why they shouldn’t be.
From a young age, we are told that talking about our fears and worries helps us process them and feel better. Yet mention death and dying, and many people still clam up, quickly changing the subject as if silence makes the reality disappear.
The New Zealand Herald this year spoke with a Waipuna Hospice worker who urged people to fear death less. It was a message that deserveds wider attention.
Pamela Shennan knows first-hand how confronting death can be. “It just shifts and rocks your whole world,” she recalled. “You’re just like, ‘What do I do?’”
Shennan lost her parents within months of each other in her early 30s. Years later, at 48, she lost her husband to melanoma. The experience of watching someone you love die changes you. It can strip life back to what truly matters, deepening empathy and understanding, while opening our eyes to a world many find dark and frightening.
What is often overlooked is that being present at someone’s final moments can also be an honour. To sit beside a loved one as they leave the world, to be the last face they see and the last voice they hear, is a deeply human privilege. It is not easy, but it is profoundly meaningful.
Yet what if you have never been in that position? What if death feels distant, abstract - something that happens to other people? The truth is, there is no avoiding it. Death is a universal experience, whether we are ready or not.
According to Statistics New Zealand, 37,491 deaths were registered in the year ended December 2025 - roughly one death every 13 minutes and 35 seconds. Despite this inevitability, many of us spend our lives avoiding even the thought of how we would want to face it, or how we would want our loved ones to be supported when the time comes.
The question we should be asking ourselves is simple: how would I like this handled when my time comes?
Death does not need to be feared, but it does need to be understood. It is hard enough to lose a loved one. It is harder still when we have no language, no plans and no shared understanding to help us navigate those final moments and the grief that follows.
So where do we start?
Hospice New Zealand offers a wide range of resources to help people begin having these conversations - with family, friends and loved ones. And with this week marking Hospice Week, there is no better time to start talking about death and dying. Silence does not make death kinder. Conversation just might.